I had an idea…
about creating a platform for people who live in the “margins of life”; people who feel the need to hide, don’t fit in, and suffer silently and publicly with mental health substance abuse issues, and more. I want to build something to help other people and myself, as a person that struggles with mental health and substance abuse. As I look back at some of the recent posts I’ve made to this site it’s become apparent that I’m hiding behind other people’s stories. People who were courageous enough to come out of hiding and address their issues head-on. Basically, I’ve been reposting other people’s words that were courageous enough to go public about their stories. Sometimes I identify with their story and post to this platform, basically, I hide behind their truth.
I feel like a coward. I don’t want to feel like a coward any longer.
I’ve been fighting bipolar and alcoholism for years.
I drank alcohol for the first time when I was in college, a few weeks after I got injured when I was a student-athlete
I took my first drink and then I fell in love with alcohol after that very first sip.
Before alcohol, basketball was my first love. I would later learn that alcoholism is hereditary, yet that didn’t stop me from imbibing.
The more I drank alcohol the more num I felt and I was more comfortable being under the influence even in public. Eventually, I realized that I could work, go to school and socialize while drinking. I convinced myself that alcohol was the answer to my problems ‘all I have to do is drink and I’ll feel ok’. That’s when alcohol started lying to me and that’s when I started believing the lie. I convinced myself that I’m better with alcohol.
I’ve always thought it was interesting the Bible included this:
It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drinkKing James Bible
There came a time when I realized I was acting out of character randomly and my mind was racing. I had a hard time deciding what was real versus what was in my mind only. I often felt my mind was being washed in the middle of a spin cycle; so I turned to drink. I turned to drinking to ease the stress, anxiety, and confusion that goes on in my brain. I actually tried to find sanity by drinking.
I want to feel better. I want to be healthier, mentally and physically. I want to be who I was created to be. I’m fighting a battle with mental health and alcoholism. I’m taking a stance and that’s why I started Now’s the time, a positive shared space to help myself and hopefully others. As simple as it may seem, I just wanted to create a platform where people can feel free to share (even unanimously) so that they can help themselves and others. I want a platform that people can access easily, come out of hiding and by doing so we can realize we are not alone in our struggles.
I’m taking control of my life now. It’s hard and it’s a daily struggle. Sometimes I feel it helps to hear other people’s stories as they deal with similar issues.
Thank you, and take care of yourself.