In search of: The Remedy
A few years ago I began experiencing severe pains I wasn’t sure where they were coming from at that time. Needless to say, I just wanted the pain to stop.
Over time the pain began to worsen. The worst part was that I didn’t know where the pain was coming from. I didn’t know where to go for help. I didn’t know how to explain the pain I was feeling. So I started drinking more. At first, that seemed to help the pain subsided. Then I drank more and more to the point where my drinking had become bigger than the initial pain I felt. I was lost. I was so far gone with my drinking that I didn’t even notice all that had fallen down around me. I was a mess! The pain consumed my life. During that time, I felt spiritual, mental, and physical pain. I didn’t feel like I was going to continue to live life with all this pain. I wasn’t really living much of life anyway. I needed help more than I had ever needed help before!
I didn’t want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop.
Things became different when I stopped looking for answers outside myself. Back then I compared myself to other people far too often. I’d try on other people’s lives and ask myself if it fit. The sizes were always too large or too small. There’s no such thing as a life that fits all, I’d discover. In order to start living life again, I had to face myself and stop running from myself. I had to decide if I valued my life enough to fight for it. I chose to live.
Then the tough work began. Things became different when I put the drank down. The fog around me began to dissipate. I could see more clearly.
I needed to find a new way to live. Project Daniel Brooks Moore 2.0 was in full swing!
I needed to do something different. It started with finding a community that was safe for me to share with and connect with other people that were working to live healthier lives. Finding this community was like needing help from your neighbors, knocking on every door in the neighborhood and finally finding the help you need at the very last home.
I’m still on the road of recovery, the good news is I’m no longer powerless over my life, however, I’ve accepted that I’m powerless over alcohol.
Today, there are only remnants of the pain that once was. I’m continuing to get the help in need to deal with my pain. I know now alcohol is not the remedy for my pain. The truth is my remedy. I’m honest with myself today. I’m on my way home now.