6:28 am on the beach

Love,

Since the day you came into my life, you showed me new possibilities. I’m so glad we met!

I remember the good times we had. There were times, being with you, that felt amazing. We would go places only dreamers go. We were so high. I’ll never forget those times. So it’s only natural I still think about you sometimes.

 I can’t remember, exactly what went wrong. I just know we moved quickly in the wrong direction. You used to be my closest ally. Now I can’t tell if we’re enemies or lovers.

 Being with you was so comfortable and easy. But look at all the mess we’ve caused! What we’ve done, we can’t take back.

I need the kind of love in my life that’s genuine, that has my best interest at heart, possibly even unconditional love. That’s what love from a real friend provides. A real friend gives you their best, even when you’re at your worst. When things are down, I need a friend that doesn’t lead me further down. I can know longer allow you to lead. This morning I realized that I need to take the lead; separate from you and put me first!

I met someone new. I’m still getting to know her. I think she’s going to be good for me. She reads these books that she believes would be good for me to read. The people she hangs around support and encourages each other – they live less chaotic lives than the life we live together. The relationship we had lived comfortably in a constant state of chaos.I can’t live like that anymore.

My only regret is that I fell so deep in love with you. If I knew it would end like this, I never would have fallen in love with you. We never would’ve hung out that first night. Now everything’s different. Now there’s no way we can be just friends.   

Now, I realize you never loved me or cared about my well-being. I’ve lost a friend, but I’m gaining a better way of life now.

Goodbye.

*I wrote this goodbye letter to alcohol while in treatment in Florida.